The healing continues …

IMG_2208.jpgIt’s now two and a half years since my first surgery. Time for an update on my body’s healing process. I feel like long time readers of my blog must be thinking, “Isn’t she over all of that YET?!” Don’t worry, I feel like that too! One day I hope there will be nothing to report on my body front.

One of the main reasons I set up this blog was to share my story with those who may be contemplating, or travelling, a similar path, and to help those around them to understand what it is like to have this surgery. What I’d mainly like people to know (and what I wish I’d known myself!) is that it just takes a really long time to heal. It DOES get better, very slowly but surely. And there are things you can do to ensure you heal as best you can.

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The body beautiful – 18 months on

FullSizeRender[1]I said I’d update on where I’m at with my healing progress six months ago, so here’s the latest on my post surgery body, 18 months after my double mastectomy and muscle sparing TRAM reconstruction surgery.

Overall, I’d say I’m progressing well. I’m still really conscious of my tight stomach and numb torso each day, but it is WAY better than it was. The stiffness is less, the discomfort is reduced, my general feeling of well being has much improved. Still a way to go, but I definitely feel like I am “getting there”.

I had my final check up with James, my plastic surgeon last week. He is really pleased with my physical progress. I didn’t expect to, but I cried when he asked me, sincerely and kindly, how I feel about the breast surgery now. It just brings up so much sadness for me. As James says, I’m healing well on the outside, but have a way to go on the inside.

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Progress … slow and steady

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I remember in those special times of my life when I was engaged to be married, and later pregnant with each of our children, that I’d wake up each morning with a happy feeling that something GOOD was happening for me. And as I slowly came to my senses, I’d think, “Something good… oh yeah, we’re getting married/ having a baby!” I always started those days with a smile.

Nowadays I wake up with a feeling of  ”What is this again? Oh yeah.. the operation”. This is NOT a feeling of joy! Usually I just lie there thinking “WHY did I inflict this on myself??! It is SO uncomfortable and I am SO tired and I REALLY do not like taking all of these drugs and I REALLY don’t like having to be so reliant on everyone to look after me….” and generally have a bit of a pity party for myself. Then I slowly become awake enough to open my journal, and vent all of that sadness on to the pages.

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Slowly, gently moving forward

This is one of my favorite quotes which inspired this painting of mine earlier this year. And I guess it best describes how I’m feeling today. Very tired, very sore but also confident that I’m headed in the right direction!

I think for most of this past week I have just been a physical & emotional wreck. Functioning, passing all the key milestones but just feeling like I have been on some sort of scary alien planet!

However, today is another story and I’m feeling like I’m coming back to being me. Dazed, battered, bruised but underneath it all, still me! Energy levels are still v low, so special thanks to my husband for keeping you all updated.

Anyway, a week down the track from surgery things are slowly coming back into focus & I’m getting into the swing of the (v busy!) hospital routine. Hoping to be home by the weekend but no pressure. Just taking each day as it comes.

Bring on the pain relief, bring on the healing & being on the peace!

With much love & thanks for all of your messages. I’m reading them all but no energy to respond. I will get there!

Sarah
💗💚💜

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