After weeks of count down, the big day for my follow up surgery arrives tomorrow. I have to say it has been a bit of a struggle to keep my anxious mind calm as I head into it. I think last time I was worried about the unknown (“will they find cancer?”) and this time it is dreading the known downsides of my last surgery – needles, blood, pain, bandages, scars – all things I hate!
I know that this surgery is WAY less invasive than last time, but I’m really not looking forward to revisiting ANY of the trauma of it again. So I have been piling on the soothing rituals, speaking gently to myself and visualizing a positive outcome – a smooth surgery and a quick and easy recovery.
I’m ready! And in awe of those women who go through all of this after a cancer diagnosis, mastectomy, chemo, radiation and THEN a reconstruction. My hat is off to them, and all women who go through any and all of this journey. It really is no fun.
But it is all for the best. I am so lucky mine is a preventative process around breast cancer and making it look better, rather than a cure and/ or not having the option of reconstruction. So I will face my fears and surrender to James to do his best work on me at 8.00 am tomorrow. The surgery will take a few hours, then a few days in hospital (St Luke’s, so I’m visualizing a nice airy light filled room in a new space this time), a few weeks of recovery at home and then a few months of tiredness to get over the anesthetic again. Slowly but surely I am getting there! Martha and Lou will be watching over me. All will be well.
Many thanks for all of the good wishes and kind thoughts already sent my way. All prayers and good vibes for tomorrow morning welcome!