This time twelve weeks ago, I was still under anesthetic, part way through my L-O-N-G surgery and today officially marks the end of the recuperation period. Thank God for that! I am so bored of thinking about this topic that has been top of mind for almost all of this year.
To be honest, it’s not really “over”, there is still more healing to go. My scars have gone from red to plum and I suppose it will be a long time until they fade to match the rest of my skin. My stomach is numb from navel to scar line, and feels hard and way too tight (still) and my core strength has a long way to go. My breasts are solid mounds of numbness which is very strange, but they have softened up a bit since the surgery, so will just keep the faith that there’s LOTS more progress and healing yet to come there. I’ve also braved my first post surgery bra shop on the weekend, which was not as confronting as I’d expected (Rose at my local lingerie store was very helpful and reassuring – so I do recommend her to anyone in the same boat.) Another milestone ticked off!
I’m back to about 80% of my usual energy levels. If I do too much one day, then I pay with tiredness and pangs of pain the following few days. I think my mind wants to get up and going but my body is not quite ready yet. But this chapter is over and the worst is behind me for sure! No more cancer threat, just lots of healing and taking it easy ahead of me.
So that’s the end of the regular “bosom update” for those of you following me for that reason. I’m not offended if you unsubscribe. I’ll just be focusing in this blog on whatever it is I’m doing going forward – hopefully plenty of art developments! (And on that front, I’m happy to report that we sold over $1000 worth of art in the Art for the Heart exhibition last weekend – go us! A nice big donation to Beyond Blue, thanks to the Bailey sisters and a few lovely art lovers.)
Overall, I think this year has taught me the lesson that I CAN cope with pretty much whatever gets thrown my way. I’ve faced some of my worst fears – losing not only one, but two much loved sisters, losing my precious business, losing my original bosoms and finding out whether I had cancer – all done. Each one so very hard and together, just mind blowing, but you do live to tell the tale. Not saying that I’m anything special, but just to reassure others who might have a challenge in front of them (and yes, we ALL will have our challenges – that’s life!) You can cope with it best by taking it slow, facing your fears and … life goes on. “If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it” – I really believe that now. I don’t enjoy it, but I can do it. Just calm down, tune in and listen to my wise self. And have faith that everything will work out okay in the end.
I flicked through my journal this week, back from those days before surgery and even I am quite amazed at the zen state I had myself in. In the past I would have worked myself up in to a complete frenzy of stress and anxiety when facing a challenge like that (and honestly, that’s the WORST, most horrendous thing I’ve ever done to my body, by many country miles – childbirth was a walk in the park by comparison! And I did NOT have easy deliveries!) The way I did life was so taxing on me, let alone everyone around me. Now I know my “zen toolkit” of meditation, exersize, art, journaling etc really works. No more drama. It just doesn’t serve me. And asking for help when I need it. I used to be REALLY bad at that. It is very hard for a capable woman to ask for help– still learning there!
Next thing is to work out “what next” for me? I’ve declared to myself that 2014 is my gift to me. Yes, there have a been so many storms in the past 24 months of my life, so now I’m hoping that the universe will deliver me a nice relaxing time in the sun so as I can catch my breath. Just go slow and make myself happy. Lots of art, a bit of cashmere and plenty of colour – sounds good to me!
Who knows what the next chapter will hold … stay tuned! And many thanks and much gratitude to all of you who have sent loving messages and thoughts my way this past twelve weeks. That’s the other essential ingredient for getting through the rough spots – LOVE and lots of it!