Tomorrow it will be one month since my surgery. Seems like a lifetime ago in some ways. I’m so relieved that the shadow of the upcoming surgery that was hanging over me for so many months is now gone. I must say that the operation and hospital experience was much more painful, scary and intense than I thought it would be. I really didn’t like being so dependent on others for just about everything – getting up, food, medication, dressing, bathing, everything!. The scary part was sometimes I’d press the buzzer and the nurses would be busy so it would take quite some time before I actually received my medication. Agony! And that would make me so anxious in itself, not knowing when the pain relief was going to arrive … It’s all just a swirl of emotion now and I’m so glad that bit is behind me!
So one of the best things about coming home has been having my bag of assorted medicines and knowing I can take it myself, as soon as I need it. I am still on heavy (Endone/morphine – at night), medium (Tramadol, once a day) and light (Panadol, every few hours) pain relief. I’m not in sharp pain, but I would say I feel somewhere that is more than “uncomfortable” but less than “in pain” for the most part of the day. Just a heavy achy feeling in my breasts, and a light burning, stinging sensation along the scar lines. I’m still sleeping heavily at night and for the whole of every afternoon. My recovery is a much deeper, slower process than I thought it would be!
Four weeks on, I thought I’d easily be able to walk up to our local shops, but I find once I’ve gone about 500 meters I’m a bit wobbly and turn back home. I’d also expected I’d invite lots of visitors to entertain me too in these early weeks, but really, just the thought of it is tiring, and, other than Mum and Bec in those early days, and a couple of cups of tea at home with my good friend Louise, in the past month I’ve just kept quietly to myself. My only outings have been to the doctor and to get my hair cut. Slowly, gently moving along here!
However, I DO feel like I am gradually getting stronger AND the end result is going to be a good one! I’ve read on other blogs where many women have complications post surgery and I’ve been so lucky to be spared any of that. And others are not happy with the appearance of their body afterwards, but I think, if you disregard the scars, the shape of my breasts post surgery is looking promising! They are still totally numb to touch which I can’t get quite get my head around. Please God, let me get SOME feeling back! But I’m not going to worry about that now, because it suits me quite nicely that I can’t feel the nurses dabbing at the stitches and removing sticking plasters when my dressings are changed every other day!
The other good thing is that when I am awake now, I feel SO much better, and clearer in the head than I did when I first came home. So, I am slowly starting with my art again. Here’s the first thing that I drew last week:
I love drawing flowers, and knowing the name and the meaning of each one. In Victorian times, admirers and lovers would send bouquets with a secret message meant by each flower selected in the arrangement. There is a secret language of flowers. So I love choosing flowers to draw or paint, knowing that there is a meaning that goes with each flower. My THANK YOU flowers say the following
In the language of flowers ….
Tulip = Perfect happiness
Hibiscus = Delicate beauty
Agapanthus = Flower of love
Nasturtium = Love conquers all
Kangaroo Paw = Resilience
Ylang ylang = Rare
Orchid = Thoughtfulness
Ursinia = Sunshine
Perfect for a few cards I need to send out!
Anyway, hope you enjoy my THANK YOU illustration too and have lovely weekends. We have our daughter Holly’s 21st birthday on Sunday so that is a family milestone to be celebrated (quietly by me, but long and loudly by Holly and her friends I am sure)!