My sentinel node is procedure now complete (that was no fun at all!) and bags are packed, ready to go for a 6.30 admission to hospital in the morning. Left breast covered with black marker and tape, to guide the surgeon for first incisions in the morning. I guess it’s official now .. I am a patient!
I have such mixed feelings about the surgery. Glad to be able to rid myself of the threat of breast cancer, but sad to see my old breasts go. They have served me well, as a woman and a mum. I’ve never wanted to change them – they’re not spectacular, but they are mine – so I have no desire (at all!) for a new set. Quite happy with what I was given – thank you God! My new breasts and stomach will have scars and will lack sensitivity, so it’s not what I am wanting at all. I will have to abandon any plans of a career as a swimsuit model (☺) and just be glad of the replacement pair. The surgeons will do their best. In the end, only I will be reminded each day by those scars and the numbness (and only I will care!!)
All the same, as my friend Helen just wrote to me in an email “We are lucky ours have served the purpose they were designed for. The surgeries you can have these days are so successful. What a great feeling it will be to take away that dark cloud of worry in the future – it’s all good!!”
So yes, I agree with Helen, it wasn’t what I had planned for myself, but “it’s all good!”
Thanks for all of the lovely messages that continue to roll in. Wish me luck, say prayers for me tomorrow and, as Martha always used to say to me pre-surgery, “I’ll see you out the other side!”